I’m wondering if there is a university degree called Master of Relating? I have always enjoyed studying and learning about relating and how to have the best relationships possible. I think it’s such a fascinating subject, and one that is in every aspect of our lives. We relate to our co-workers, our pets, ourselves, our God, our spouses, our friends, and even our beliefs.
Over the 46 years of this lifetime, I have experienced incredible love and intimacy in marriage and friendships and in relating with family members and others. And I have also had my fair share of heartache, pain and unhealthy relating. Oh boy yes.
It’s the combination of all of the above that compels and draws me to explore the in’s and out’s of living and loving. How can we be with others with the greatest expression of love and honesty and still be true to ourselves? What awareness will foster health and well-being and unconditional love? What is “normal” anyway?
The following paragraph is from Kim Eng, Eckhart Tolle’s partner and associate. This one paragraph has induced significant changes in the way I view loving and relating with others.
“As long as I have the idea in my head, ‘I have a relationship,’ or ‘I am in a relationship,’ no matter with whom, I suffer. This I have learned. With the concept of “relationship” come expectations, memories of past relationships, and further personally and culturally conditioned mental concepts of what a “relationship” should be like. Then I would try to make reality conform to these concepts. And it never does. And again I suffer. The fact of the matter is: there are no relationships. There is only the present moment, and in the moment there is only relating. How we relate, or rather how well we love, depends on how empty we are of ideas, concepts, expectations. “
Since reading this I have been substituting the word “relating” for “relationship”. Just this subtle shift has brought about greater awareness in me as to what I am really up to with another. All I have is the present moment with another. And when I’m keyed in to this, I can bring my open loving self to the moment, not based on the past and not there to make something happen in the future.
My tendency throughout my life has been one of idealism with “relationships.” It has seemed so innate within me to find someone I like and then create a “relationship” that is incredibly idealistic. This rarely works. Oh yes, it might for awhile, perhaps even for a few years, but eventually this quixotic “form” I’ve created will break down. It comes with expectations… and the “special” label I’ve put on the “relationship” backfires.
It backfires because no one was ever meant to provide the relevance I want. No one was meant to become greater than my alignment with my Source. And I was meant to love unconditionally—radically and profoundly so. Freely, openly, authentically, needing nothing in return.
“For relationship is the holiest of all places—relationship between any two who choose to look upon each other, having looked within and found no lack. For those two people can then look out upon one another and see only perfect innocence, only perfect peace, only perfect Love.” Way of Mastery
When I practice relating in lieu of trying to keep a “relationship form” looking a certain way, then love prevails. When I focus on my own alignment with God and on my alignment with the wholeness of who I am, then love prevails. Love wins.
We will never succeed in propping up a form with effort and ego.
It’s time to realize that it’s never actually about the other person making us feel a certain way, it’s about their influence on us coming into alignment with the fullness of who we really are. And vice versa.
These experiences of relating are to make us conscious beings. Conscious men and women being offered the glorious opportunity to find our relevance in connection to the One who is the author of Love…..to the One who is all Love. And then to extend this holiness to others.
When this occurs, it is pure bliss, and nothing that we think the other can give us can compare.
I’ve fallen in love with Love, and it is the sweetest of all.
How can it get any better than this?
Enjoy your relating this week!