Have you ever considered the tendency we have to make “everything” about ourselves? The tendency for us to place ourselves at the center? To make things way more important than they need to be?
I saw the movie Silver Linings Playbook last weekend with a friend. What a powerful story! I loved it! Just a little heads up, it’s a lot more intense than the previews show so be ready for some conflicted family scenes.
I left the theater with so many thoughts swirling through my mind, and my pondering remained for the next couple of days. I was impressed with how the characters handled honesty. How they lived it and how they received it. It was as if they gave the other space to be honest, to be how they felt in a moment, without making it about themselves.
They didn’t get hung up for days and days just because something was said or something occurred that was potentially hurtful. They moved on. They seemed to understand that whatever just occurred was about the other, and they didn’t make it their responsibility to fix “it” or to fix “them” or to figure it out.
If there was something spoken that might be good for them to look at in themselves, they did, and if not, they didn’t. I know, for me, I walked away wondering what relationships would be like if we all lived this way more and more.
And in my mind, how True this way of living is. When we put ourselves at the center, it’s our ego that is running the show. Oh we might call it caring, or self-inquiry but in actuality it’s the yet unredeemed ego vying for attention, hoping we will navel gaze or beat ourselves up or compare ourselves to another or judge another……all so that we might gain our relevance in the eyes of another.
I am all for authentic self-inquiry, absolutely. This is when, led by Spirit, we listen, and we remain open to the revealing of something in us that is not love, or that needs to be healed, or illuminates a place of correction. It’s not when we take offense and go “woe is me, no one loves me” or when we get into another’s problems and make them our own. Or when we hear the honest words of another and decide to be angry or hurt for days.
I have come to realize that I am just not that significant. That so much I used to make about me, just isn’t. Now with this ah-ha, with this freedom, can come an anxiety almost. What, this isn’t about me? This is really about them? Their stuff?
So when my friend or spouse or child gets raw and real and says words that are uncomfortable to hear, I can be at ease, I can be well, I can stay present, and I can be open to what might be wanted and needed.
I can be free. I can decide not to be hurt. I can be whole.
I can lay aside any striving to figure it all out, any grappling to understand, and I can trust the Universe to make clear to me what matters. I can live in the fullness of my well-being, confident that when I do so, that THIS is what that person most needs from me. Not my caretaking, not my getting in the way, not my being overly responsible…..
The gift I bring to life and relationships and my community, is my well-being. The integrity of my wholeness. This doesn’t mean I am going to handle it perfectly. This doesn’t mean I don’t still have healing to come. This doesn’t mean I am a brick wall of non-caring. It simply means I realize that I am a part of this incredible Universe, a part of this whole, and my relevance comes not from making myself significant but from knowing that I just am. I am. I am. I am relevant already.
I don’t need to find it anywhere…..it already is. I already am.
No one can take that from me, no one can add to that. No one can take even a snippet of it away. How beautiful is that! How beautiful are you? With all your imperfections, you are perfect.
This week, notice where and how you are seeking relevance, and when you notice, simply step back into the place of acknowledging how relevant God has already made you to be. You are enough. And they are enough. And together we can rise in honesty and strength, giving our gifts to the world.
And we can have a really kick-ass time with it! 🙂