So what exactly is the high road?
Today I am using this term to refer to how we can choose thoughts, attitudes and actions that are from a place of humility and openness in places where our ego’s are chomping at the bit to do anything but.
You know those times? When what rises up in you is to defend, to justify, to blame, to judge, to stay angry?
When you feel so misunderstood that you just want to do whatever it takes to be understood, even if that means being edgy, complaining, sarcastic?
Now I am not talking about really ugly stuff here. I am talking about those subtle moments, those sometimes unrecognizable moments of the ego. The ego can be really blatant or it can be sly and coy. I am talking about times that if you aren’t walking in awareness, you can even think you are on the high road…
Now, let me back up for a moment and speak “GRACE” to each of you. Grace to your hearts. Life in relationships can challenge us like nothing else. Even when our hearts are full of love for another we can still let ego lead the way.
The glasses I want you to put on to look at this today are glasses of wonder. Wonder you say? Yes! There’s no beating yourself up here, not in this high road conversation.
I want us to see the mystery and thrill even of living life on the high road. I believe we have so much to learn about ourselves, that if we are willing to laugh at ourselves and go again, then there is much to be gained….for ourselves and the others in our lives.
I am learning to step back in conversations and just listen. To put aside that place in me that in the moment so wants to be affirmed or recognized or acknowledged. To put it aside in order to “be with” the person in front of me. To let go at that moment my need to feel understood, so that I can hear them, understand them, reach them.
Sometimes this can “feel” so hard, especially when we feel hurt and truly desire to be seen and heard. And I find most often, when I am willing to put on hold, sometimes temporarily, sometimes for good, that seeming “need” for my heart to be held and understood, amazing things can happen.
When I decide to really find my friend, or the other, and listen to what is going on for them, openly, without defense, love occurs, truth occurs, freedom occurs, a clearing is reached, and peace is restored.
Sometimes this feels oh so costly! Like my heart is on the line and what’s going to happen to it?? Here is what I find happens, one of two things. Either eventually I and this other person break through into a new place, our hearts connect, understanding comes without me fighting for it, and love is restored. Or, all of the above happen except that I never fully feel understood. Is one better? Is one to be sought after?
I say no. And I get there are certain circumstances where being understood might hold more weight. AND I am coming to see that it’s not always as necessary as I make it out to be. Sometimes my willingness to simply do whatever it takes to reach the other and for them to be heard is what matters most and the rest takes care of itself.
This is where the high road feels costly…..is costly. There are front end prices that deliver back end rewards and beauty. And I would say this is where we simply get to choose to be okay for the sake of love.
I remember hours of conversations at times over something small in a relationship, when if I’d been willing to suspend my need to be right and to be understood SO THAT I could be the first to listen, love, see and reach, unity and peace would have come much quicker.
This is the high road.
Please hear me, I am not saying you should not want to be understood or heard. Not at all. I am saying that if you will be willing to get on that high road quickly, humble yourself, choose to see the innocence of the other, and release your defenses, then you will find what you most seek after…..love, goodness, hope….and I assert either you will receive understanding or it won’t matter anymore because of the beauty, honesty, and compassion produced in the relationship.
Anyone up for a journey on the High Road? I hear the view is great from up there!